Waiting

28 years ago this year a young woman got on a plane and flew to Israel, alone, to make a new life for herself. Growing up in a very small Jewish community and after many wonderful holidays in Israel, she wanted to see what it was like to live in the Jewish State. So that young woman got on the plane, studied hard in Ulpan (Hebrew language school) to learn Hebrew and got herself a job working in the field of graphic design.

That young woman was me.

The years passed and I met Richard and gave birth to two boys. I set up my own small business working from home, creating paper art which made people happy. I toured and hiked around Israel and blogged about it, sharing my experiences with others. I wanted everyone to see the country I loved. אין לי ארץ אחרת - I have no other country - so the song goes. And I believed it. I believed I was bringing my sons up in just the right place. I was bringing them up in a land where they could be proud Jews, where they were free to spend hours outdoors, hiking and swimming and simply enjoying themselves. They were not, like I had been, the only Jews in their class. They learnt Hebrew and Bible studies, the history of the land and much, much more. Truthfully, their school education was not what we hoped it would be but it was a compromise. I truly believed that, despite their education, they were better off living here than abroad.

21st May 2022 changed all of that. On 21st May 2022 we lost Gadi, our youngest son. I still find it hard to write those words today. Gadi was serving his time in an elite unit of the IDF (Israel Defence Forces) as a tank driver. He was home for a long weekend, having been on his base for 21 days previously. I have written his story before. Inexplicably Gadi chose to end his life after “a negative interaction with the Police”. (These were the words used by the IDF in an end of year news article about suicide in the Israeli army.)

What did Gadi do? We understood at the time that he had been caught smoking weed in the park with a friend. Weed. In bars and cafes across Israel, the air is thick with cannabis smoke. For years, smoking weed has been socially permissible in Israel despite being technically illegal. Patio tables in cities like Modi’in and Tel Aviv are dotted with people openly rolling joints and lighting up without a second thought.

Richard and I didn’t like or approve of it but what harm was Gadi doing that night? It was late, the park was empty besides Gadi and his friend, they were just having a bit of, albeit foolish, fun.

3 hours after being released by the Israel Police onto the street, Gadi was dead. For over a year we waited patiently for the army report investigating the events of that terrible night. We really, really wanted to understand what happened to Gadi. We hoped that somehow we would get some kind of answers to our many questions and then at least we could begin to grieve.

Last month we were finally presented with the army report. We got 5 pages of nothing.

The report lacks details, has factual mistakes and there is a huge black hole about the entire interaction between Gadi and the Israel Police. In fact, the Military Police failed to even interview them. In a whole year.

At one point the report refers to “Levi”. They didn't even bother to check Gadi's name. Crucially, we did learn that there were no drugs or alcohol in Gadi’s body at the time of his death. None whatsoever.

On one side of the report it is written, "that his [Gadi’s] commanders and friends described him as a good soldier, sociable and loved, with a joy of life and a sense of humour." And on the other hand, he committed suicide. Why? What happened to Gadi that made him turn from someone who had plans for the near and far future to someone who commits suicide? The elephant in the room is of course the Israel Police.

Now we are struggling just to get the investigation material so that we can fill in some of the (huge) holes in the report and decide on our next step. The army is “working on it”. Surely all the details and facts should have been collected for the report from the beginning? Goodness knows what they are working on now. Are they perhaps trying to cover something up or do they hope that if they take long enough, we will simply give up and stop asking?

Gadi did nothing wrong. He was a smart, creative and sometimes silly young man, but he did nothing wrong.

אין לי ארץ אחרת - I have no other country. Could this happen elsewhere? Perhaps, but I rue the day I set foot on that plane and came to a land where the police and army fail to look after a young man who is risking his life to protect them and their families.

* This post has been shared on Wordless Wednesday (on Tuesday) and My Corner of the World.

The Exhibition I Wasn’t Ready to See

All photos by Ingrid Muller

In May we put together an exhibition of our son Gadi's drawings in a local gallery space, to mark the year since his passing. While Gadi created some wonderfully detailed artwork over the years, we never expected to be putting together a show of his art for a long time to come. It was something that I hoped - no, believed - would happen one day in the future. The events of 21st May 2022 changed all that and when a friend, curator Shira Friedman, approached us with the idea of putting together an exhibition of Gadi's work, we thought it was the perfect way to remember Gadi and to share his talent.

Gadi loved to draw. He would spend hours in his room creating highly detailed pieces based on his passions at the time. He drew football players and knights, animals and steampunk characters, mythical islands and maps. There was a long period when he drew football stadium after football stadium, concentrating not on the pitch but on the crowd. These stadiums are not the stadiums that Gadi visited in his short life. We can’t see Ironi Modi’in’s stadium, nor Hull City’s. He didn’t draw Camp Nou, which we toured back in 2017, or the Emirates. These are the stadiums of Gadi’s imagination, filled with animated crowds waving flags and banners and setting off flares. He drew each piece in great detail, using an extra fine pen to add each and every member of the crowd and to include even the wording on their banners.

Football stadiums aside, Gadi’s work was almost always in black and white. Though he had drawers full of felt tip pens and coloured pencils, he preferred a simple graphite pencil and, later a super fine black pen. His early drawings are sweet and simple but with a strong use of line to define his shapes and figures. His later pieces are small in scale but full of detail.

Gadi was not precious about his work. He was proud to show us his drawings when he was satisfied with them but many, many pieces ended up in the rubbish bin as well. The reason we were able to hold this exhibition was because I carefully saved what I felt were the best of them when tidying up Gadi’s incredibly messy room! Aviv, Gadi’s best friend, did the same when Gadi would leave his drawings lying around at school.
Gadi was still drawing when he was in the IDF (Israel Defence Forces). His sketchbook was found in his tank. He had told friends that he wanted to make better use of the many spare hours he had, when he found himself sitting around doing very little.

Gadi was also a brilliant writer. His short stories, written from the age of six and upwards, were very, very funny. Characters such as Felinius the Genius and Mister Bakewell Tart were so very English that it was hard to believe they had been thought up by a young boy living in Israel! I don’t remember ever having made a Bakewell Tart in my life, but Gadi was a voracious reader and probably learnt all about them from a book. As he got older, he wrote less, but the stories remain as amusing as the day he penned them.

A particular favourite of ours was a long story he wrote for Mister Handmade in Israel's 50th birthday back in 2014. In fact, the name we gave to the exhibition, "The Good, the Bad and the Snoring", was the name 11 year old Gadi gave to the story. With the help of Mister Handmade in Israel's brother and his amazingly talented friends and colleagues in the UK, this story was made into a wonderful short film which we showed on the opening night of the exhibition.

I have posted it below for you to enjoy too.

The exhibition was visited by hundreds of our friends and many others who had heard or read of Gadi's story in The Jerusalem Post,  Israel's most-read English newspaper. The mayor of Modi'in-Maccabim-Re'ut came, as did senior members of the IDF and many of Gadi's soldier friends. The opening night - after months and months of planning - was somewhat stressful because four hours before the exhibition was due to open, missiles started coming over from Gaza. We decided to go ahead with the evening anyway, posting on social media where there were protected spaces if needed!

I am sure that Gadi would have been very proud of the exhibition and happy that so many people were able to see his work. I only wish he had been there to enjoy it for himself.

* This post has been shared on My Corner of the World and Wordless Wednesday (on Tuesday).

Gadi Isaacs 2003-2022

This is an incredibly hard post to write.

On 21st May 2022 Richard and I lost our much loved 19 year old son, Gadi. Nadav lost his younger brother. Gadi made the decision to end his life after an evening with friends, an evening that began very peacefully with candle lighting and Shabbat dinner with Richard and Nadav. I was in the UK at the time, enjoying a break with my dad. Dad was due to travel back to Israel with me to see the boys, whom he hadn’t seen since before Covid began. We had many plans for the month ahead and Gadi was supposed to have a regila (one week off from the army) for the first time in 9 months. We know that he was looking forward to seeing Grandpa, with whom he was very close.

Gadi was home for the weekend from the army, having being on his base for 21 days previously. Since returning home, he had gone out for something to eat with Richard and then gone shopping with friends to buy a new shirt and aftershave. On the Thursday evening Gadi spoke at Kosher Kravi, the pre-army training course he had attended before his enlistment and shared his experiences in his usual talented way. He then spent the night in Tel Aviv with another friend who was in Israel for the year and was shortly due to return to the UK. They wanted to spend one more evening together, hitting the bars in Tel Aviv.

On Friday afternoon, he bought a large quantity of meat for a barbeque to celebrate his best friend’s birthday, planned for Saturday evening.

Everything was normal.

 

On Friday evening, after dinner, Gadi went out to the park opposite our home with a friend. It seems that he, unwisely, decided to smoke a joint with a friend. Marijuana is in the process of being legalised in Israel but is illegal for soldiers. We are almost sure that he had not smoked since he went into the army 9 months previously and have no idea why he made the decision to start again that evening. But he did. After just five minutes a policeman arrived and took Gadi and his friend to the local police station. Gadi’s friend was released because she is not yet in the army. Gadi was kept there, alone.

We have no idea what happened to him there, though Gadi later that evening told his friend that the police were aggressive and mean. We do know that they called the army and Gadi was issued with a doch (report), calling him to a meeting the following Sunday morning.

Gadi knew he was in trouble.

Afterwards he went to join his friends at one of their homes. It was now late and they were all very tired. They talked about Gadi’s problem and started checking online about the punishments he was going to receive. Google is not always the best place to go for accurate answers and it is clear that Gadi thought his punishments were going to be far greater than they really were. He and his friends then tried to watch a film but were soon falling asleep.
We know that Gadi walked straight home. He collected his army issued rifle from his bedroom and walked to our local beauty spot, Titora Hill or Giv'at ha-Titura, a 10 minute walk away. After some time he called a helpline, but they clearly failed to help him. He messaged his friend, who was asleep. At 3:30am a report was made from a member of the public who had heard a gunshot.
My youngest son – my artistic, creative, bookworm son - was gone.

Everyone who knew and loved Gadi knows how special he was. He did not enjoy school but, despite the fact that he did not work hard there, he still graduated with a relatively high bagrut (Israel's high school matriculation examination). He was accepted into the mechunanim program for gifted kids when he was younger. The program enabled him to study one day a week outside of the school framework and Gadi loved it. In High School Gadi participated and shone in the school’s MUN (Model United Nations program). He was the star pupil in Dovrei Anglit (the special English class for children who already speak/know English), simply because he was such a keen reader. His vocabulary was incredible.
This is a guest post he wrote on my blog when he was just 11 years old.

As well as a writer, Gadi was also a wonderful illustrator. I have files full of the many drawings he created. He also enjoyed taking photographs. Gadi loved dogs and took his dog walking responsibilities seriously. When he was younger, he was an active member of a youth organisation and had many good friends from there. He loved watching football and had a passion for travel. For many years he had a map of the world on the wall above his bed. It is still there. He had great plans to see the world after the army.
Gadi was also a very typical teenager and, when home and not busy with his many friends, he spent a lot of time in his room with the door shut. I didn’t love it but believed – and still believe - that it was quite normal.
Why am I sharing this? Since his passing I have sadly heard many rumours that Gadi had been depressed and had been smoking marijuana for years.
We are as certain as we can be that Gadi was not depressed. He had been accepted into an elite unit in the army and, though it was hard, was doing well. The IDF (Israel Defence Forces) does not accept soldiers into elite units – or into the army at all – if there is any sign of mental health problems or depression. He passed many tests and interviews to reach the position he was in.
As part of his training, he underwent shavua milchama (war week). 4 soldiers in a very confined space do not leave the tank at all for 5 days. There is no way that anyone who has mental health issues would be able to hide it. We, his family, never saw any signs at all of mental health problems. Neither did any of his many friends. In other words, we are convinced that Gadi's death was due to an incredibly unlikely sequence of events on that one catastrophic evening.

Yes he had smoked marijuana with friends on and off in recent years. We did not like it or approve of it and he was not allowed to smoke at home. But so many people – both young and old – do it. It is a common sight – and smell – here. Gadi was no different to any other young person who was smoking in the parks of Modi’in that night.
We miss Gadi every moment of the day. We think of him and remember the joy - and sometimes chaos - he brought to our lives. If you knew Gadi, we would love to receive stories from you. If you didn’t know him and perhaps like to hear a little gossip, please for Gadi’s sake, think before you repeat it. Our talented youngest son has been taken from us in the absolute worst way and all we can do now is tell people what happened that horrific night and make them aware of just how amazing Gadi really was.

* This post has been shared on Wordless Wednesday (on Tuesday).

Nineteen

Remember last year, when my youngest son turned 18 and celebrated the day at home with his mum and dad because we were in lockdown? Well, this year he turned 19 and spent the day - and the rest of the week - in the company of the Israel Defence Forces (IDF), where he is currently doing his compulsory service. He came home at the weekend though and we were able to spoil him a little bit then.

My youngest son enlisted back in August and is now a tank driver. The army is pretty much his life for the moment. I wanted to make his birthday card different to his Giyus Kal ("Have an easy call-up") card. This time I showed him with short hair. The army requires him to keep his curls short and even length, without layering. He is holding his rifle and there is a tank behind him. I also included the club badge of our local football team, Ironi Modi'in F.C. Even though he is somewhat preoccupied these days, my son still manages to keep an eye on what they are doing and even managed to get to a game recently. Finally, I showed my son against a stunning orange sunset. He's got a good eye for photography and has sent us a few great shots of tanks in the desert since his service began.

My son loved his card and squirrelled it off to his room to place it on the shelf next to his Giyus Kal card. He did point out, in the nicest way possible, that I had given him an M4 rifle whilst he actually has an M16. Now, I am completely out of my comfort zone when it comes to guns! I know nothing about them. In order to make the birthday card as accurate as possible, I whatsapped Mister Handmade in Israel to check which gun our son has. I blame him!

I now know that the M16 has a different length barrel to an M4 and the carrying handle is a different shape too. Will I remember this for another time? Probably not. I was rather proud of my efforts anyway!

My next mistake was with the tank. Apparently I cut out an artillery tank and not the type of tank my son drives. My tank was actually a great improvement on the one I had put on his Giyus Kal card but, once again I was educated on things I have no desire to know more about. An artillery tank has light armour and a bigger gun in a turret to fire at far away targets. Tanks have heavy armour and a shorter gun in a turret to fight other tanks.

My son loved his card anyway and the sherry cake, made by Mister Handmade in Israel, which is his favourite...

* This post has been shared on Handmade Monday, Inspire Me Monday, The Good. The Random. The Fun., Inspire Me Tuesday and Wonderful Wednesday Blog Hop.

Sisters, Sisters, There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters

Happy New Year! For my first post of 2022 I have a custom made birthday card to show you, made for someone who regularly buys my cards and has them bought for her.

Mizzie's was going to be in England for her birthday and was planning to celebrate this year with her two sisters who live there. Her husband asked me to make her a card showing the three of them together. I based my design on a photo he sent me which was taken a few year ago, but he asked me to change their outfits according to some other photos he sent. 

I showed curly haired Mizzie in the centre of the card. Her twin sister, who has straight hair, is on her right, whilst her older sister, wearing the hat, is on her left.

Her husband was delighted with the card when he saw it. "Thanks for the great card" he messaged me. Then Mizzie wrote to me from the UK:
"Just opened my card and I LOVE IT! What a lovely surprise!"

Galia and Doron were also celebrating their respective birthdays. The theme for Galia's card should be naturopathy, her mum told me. She has just qualified as a naturopath. For those not in the know (like myself!), naturopathic medicine is a system that uses natural remedies to help the body heal itself. It embraces many therapies, including herbs, massage, acupuncture, exercise and nutritional counselling.

I created a small card showing a mortar and pestle with some herbs in it. Some leaves and flowers and a couple of bottles of essential oil surround it.

Doron was overseas for his birthday but his mother-in-law wanted him to have one of my cards as well! He is studying mechanical engineering at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, so she asked me to include the university's logo and some maths and physics symbols on a blackboard. Apparently one of his tutors is the British-Israeli mathematician Ruth Lawrence. The Brits amongst us will remember her for having been a child maths prodigy who graduated Oxford at 13. She now lives in Jerusalem and apparently likes to teach her students using an old fashioned blackboard, hence the request for it on Doron's card!

* This post has been shared on The Good. The Random. The Fun. and Wonderful Wednesday Blog Hop.